The only relationship i can speak about is my relationship with myself. My mom told me often "you have to like yourself enough to be your own best friend" That was wise and wonderful advice. She also told me not to wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't think I listened to that piece !! I always suspected there was great wisdom to be heeded in my heart. I still believe that. I don't have the same need or energy to share my feelings or issues. I learned to rely on myself a great deal more. I am so very grateful that I have close friends that I can share with to ease the burden and reflect back and forth with. I do know that I need to be around people who enjoy my company, understand my intentions , support my goals and hopefully love me unconditionally. Would you agree that is true for you too?
My mom also told me if someone said or did something unkind , I should stop and ask myself what might have happened to them to cause that type of behavior? She demonstrated how to see the good in everyone and to make people feel welcome and included. Thanks mom!!
As I raised my son, taught students and lived my adult life, I translated this advice in a slightly different way. I try very hard to know what I am responsible for and what is not about me. I try to set boundaries and maintain them. I am learning not to try and fix things that are not mine to fix. The trying too hard was both painful and exhausting for me. The other side of that is when people say unkind things, it may be a result of how they are feeling at the time. I certainly am not impervious to feeling hurt by others words, actions and attitudes. I am more empowered with that awareness and better able to shake it off. Some things take longer than others.
Some examples of questions I have asked myself during growth work:
Who are the people who support me?
Who are the people who criticize, and drag me down?
How does this make me feel?
What changes can I make to turn this around?
I hope you will ask yourself these questions. There are lots more!
I am not afraid to do the work. I am more afraid not too!!
I suspect the work is lifelong and by doing my work , I
can help others along the way. That's a very good thing!!!
Do something fun and kind today!!!
